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September 16, 2011
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One day Steven Stone dug up all of the stones and fossils in Granite Cave so he decided to start digging in Mt. Pyre because he was bored and filthy rich. Then he dug up a small, green, comma-shaped stone.

Groovy! thought Steven, and put it in his pocket.

When he got home he was incredibly bored so he tried finding a use for the comma stone so he grabbed his pet Mawile and slammed the stone repeatedly in its face thinking it might evolve into Miwhile or something useful but nothing happened and Mawile was sad so he bought it an ice cream truck as an apology because he is rich and they both had ice cream FOR HOURS.

...Well, it SEEMED like hours! Anyway, Steven was bored again so he decided to take Mawile to the freak show, which just so happened to be in Hoenn this year. They arrived but then Steven took a look at the giant welcoming banner and it read "Battle Frontier" and Steven thought this was odd so he used his barrels of cash to pay someone to change it to "Freak Show Carnie Land" and it drew in ten times more customers and also people actually bought things from the gift shop. Steven was pleased.

Then Steven remembered he had that comma-shaped stone still. "HMM," he hmm'd, "I wonder which of these freaks could tell me what this is." Looking through the list of performers-- a mechanic, a snake woman, an archaeologist, a magical flying man, a midget, some old guy, a kung fu chick, and The Amazing Smiling Scott-- he logically concluded that old guys are cool and went to ask him but it turns out he was busy taking his pills, so Steven decided to settle for the next best thing: the kung fu chick.

"Oh yeah," mused Greta, "This is a Magatama. I'm surprised you've never seen one before."
"Sorry," said Steven, "My mind's gonna stunt ya' brain, y'all."
Then Greta used her magical kung fu powers and made the comma glow.

"There! Now you should be able to see through the horrible, filthy lies that people tell you!"
"Friggin' sweet," proclaimed Steven in his weird, enamored-by-finding-something-awesome way of saying thanks. Man, I know just the guy to use this on, too. So annoying!!

So he and Mawile flew to Kanto on his Skarmory and walked up to a Youngster.
"Hi! I like shorts! They're comfy and easy to wear!"
Steven balled up a fist over his comma stone and bashed the kid's head in and he died but Celebi brought him back to life so it's okay.

"Y'SEE THAT KID?! THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS TO LITTLE BOYS WHO LIE!!"
The youngster b'awwed so much it started to flood Route 3 but then Groudon showed up and everything was fine so it went back home.

"Nah, sonny!" said Spenser, swooping in on his Mecha-Gyro-Gizmo-Copter [a fine Devon Corporation product. Available where wacky old-timey vehicles are sold] "That ain't how you use a magatama! Lemme show you!" Then Spenser used his old man magic to float the comma stone to his hand and he screamed "TAKE THAT!!" and a bunch of weird chains and a single lock appeared over the Youngster. He handed the stone back to Steven who saw them too and Spenser chuckled.

"Now all ya gotta do is present the right evidence to make him spill the beans!"
"lol what is evidence" stupided Steven.
"YOUR INVENTORY!!" no-duh'd Spenser. "Man, kids these days..." then he farted into the sky back home because his gyro-whatever needed to refuel, so he used his old man magic to send it back to Wendy's Kids Meal, to see what's inside.

--Your Shorts--

"Um... I'm pretty sure you're a big liar, kid," accused Steven
"Wh-what?!" stammered the kid, as this line of questioning was made possible only by the power of the comma stone. "Why would I lie about my shorts?!"
"Nobody in his right mind would wear THOSE shorts, and I can prove it!"

Suddenly, Steven reached into his pocket and found evidence. After a quick glance, he presented it with a "TAKE THAT!!"
"I have here a testimony from a boy who wore a similar pair of shorts. It rode up on him pretty bad and gave him a nasty rash!!"
"N-no! Shorts can't do thaaaaaat!!"
...Strange, thought Steven, given his reaction, I would think that'd be enough to break that single lock. Phooey.

"Okay fine," thought Steven, "Maybe YOU find these shorts comfortable, you... inhuman little boy."
"WHAT'S WRONG WITH SHORTS?! YOU'RE A BIG, FAT MEANIE!!"
"Ooh, aren't we touchy! But hey, I'm pretty sure I've figured out the only logical explanation for a lad to wear such horribly fitting and uncomfortable shorts..."

After thinking long and hard, Steven came to a conclusion...

"YOU'RE TRYING TO IMPRESS A GIRL!!"
"..."
"..."
"No way, man, girls are icky and gross and have cooties!"

Suddenly Steven felt a sharp pain in his chest, like a ferris wheel of knives was chipping away at his soul.
"OWWW!! WHAT THE F-"
"-orgot to tell ya, sonny!" transmitted Spenser through the comma stone, "Y' can't guess too many wrong things or else you will DIE."
"WELL THAT'S JUST GREAT!!" yelled Steven, in complete sarcasm.
"You almost done here, weirdo?" asked the Youngster, giving Steven an unsubtle stink-eye. "I need to go back to proclaiming the awesomeness of my shorts."
"NO, you little snot! I'm gonna drag the truth out of you until you... bleed... truth!!"
"Ew."
"Anyways, about that logical conclusion from earlier..." Steven was confident this time.

"YOU WORK FOR SILPH CO.!!"
"........Well done, Mr. Stone," grinned the Youngster, taking out his evil villain wine glass and swishing it around because he is evil while the Core 2002 investigation music from that one lawyer game played. Oh, but not before the Psyche Lock disappeared, and giant letters reading UNLOCK SUCCESSFULL appeared and Steven recovered some of his soul back. Spiffy! thought Steven.

"H-how do you know my name?!" Steven was utterly baffled that someone with his fame, fortune and status could possibly be recognised by a little boy in evil, evil shorts.
"Oh please. Why are you so utterly baffled that someone with your fame, fortutne and status has been recognised by a little boy in evil, evil shorts?" snorted Evil Youngster. "There isn't a man on this entire continent who doesn't known your name!"
"...Oh yeah." Steven couldn't argue there. He WAS pretty fabulous. I mean famous.

"...Hey, wait!! What is Silph up to? Some massive scheme to ruin the loins of young lads everywhere?!"
"Pfft, like I'd tell YOU," pfft'd Evil Youngster, "But you're too stupid to figure it out on your own, so I'll just save you the mental strain because I pity you. These cheaply-stitched shorts are outselling all the comfortable-yet-less-stylish Youngster Slacks Devon keeps producing!" Evil Youngster snickered with delight and self-amusement. "How many boxes of un-bought pants do you keep in Daddy's warehouse again?"

"Shut up! Just, shut up!" This struck a chord with Steven. "Those pants'll sell some day! They'll catch on and they'll be new wave!"

Evil Youngster was laughing so hard he almost dropped his evil villain wine glass. "Well, well. Once a Stone, always a Stone. And you know what they say: 'Stones sink in water!' And I'd say you're pretty deep in hot water right now!"

Steven took out his PokeNav to check the statistics for Devon Corporation, which he could do because he was rich but also he was pretty bored with Evil Youngster's "Hey hero, I'm trying to make you fell bad" exposition. It was then he realised...

"N-No! The NASDAQ.... THE NASDAQ IS DOWN! OH, ALL HOPE IS LOST!!" Then Steven took another look at his PokeNav. "Oh, and Devon seems to be in the red."

"It's all because of your precious slacks!" chortled Evil Youngster. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be relinquishing you of your ride home!"

"Huh?" Steven started playing Tetris on his PokeNav when Evil Youngster used Sucker Punch and stole Steven's Skarmory, which he then sent out and had it use Fly.

"Have a nice time getting back home, Mr. Stone!!" taunted Evil Youngster as he laughed maniacally through the sky in the general direction of Silph Co., but Steven was too mad that all he had with him was his stupid yet cute and lovable Mawile on his person now, to notice something as blatantly useful as that.

It was then that Steven realised...

"Oh snap, that kid's not a Youngster! HE'S AN EVIL MIDGET!!" Steven couldn't possibly be any more angry that Silph Co. would hire just about anyone these days!

You've sunk too low, Silph, thought Steven, sneering into the distance as the wind blew his pretty hair and used up half the budget for this season. I'll see to it that justice is served!

////

HEY GUYS! It's Steven Stone! Wahhhh I lost my Skarmory and I want it back! But what's this? Team Rocket's hiding in the shadows? And that evil midget is talking to them?! Meanwhile, Spenser gets all glowy and stuff. What the heck is going on?!
NEXT TIME! Episode 2: I Know You're Lying About Old Man Powers! Seeya!
Episode 1: I Know You're Lying About Shorts!

Woooo, been ages since I made Steven Stone do stupid stuff in fan fiction, huh?

Anyway, you may noticed I made an "episode preview" at the end there. No promises, but I guess I made that partly because I might actually want to continue this story, so it's there as a mental note/challenge to myself. Mostly, though, I just wanted to make it sound funny.

Pokemon copyright Nintendo, Creatures, Game Freak, The Pokemon Company, etc.
:iconclairefable:
clairefable Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2011
THIS

THIS THING IS A WONDROUS THING

IT HAS DANGER, SUSPENSE, INTRIGUE

AND IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER READ
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